The No-Costume Costume

Have you ever tried to find a costume at the last minute before Halloween? You know, you get a late hour invite or finally get up your nerve to dress up. So you excitedly venture into the party store with grand visions of being a Vampire or Wonder Woman, only to find yourself in a war zone store that looks as if a hurricane has blown through and left the building under siege by lawless looters! The store is packed to the seams with worn out shoppers who have a crazed look in their eyes and are grabbing desperately at any garment left on the rack. Who cares that you have now resorted to shoving little kids out of the way to beat them to the last pair of vampire fangs or Power Ranger cape. Or that you are about to happily shell out close to $100 to go as a samurai sword toting nun in fishnet stockings, clown shoes, cowboy hat, fairy wings and 80's mullet wig....you're just damn thrilled that you will now be able to attend the party. Besides, you reason to yourself that it will be dark, everyone will be drinking and no one will really notice you anyway right?!

BUT, would they notice if you were naked? I mean I know they call it your 'birthday suit' and all...but do you think anyone would notice that you're nude if at first glance you appear to be wearing a costume? I'm talking about 'Body Painting'. It actually isn't a costume in the traditional sense of being made from material, but rather the illusion of a costume that is painted onto your naked flesh, often with a latex paint or airbrushing. Interestingly, this costume option does present some geographical climate considerations. I mean, admittedly it would most certainly be a much cooler costume choice, temperature wise, for those of us sweating it out in the hot South. Conversely, it could get down right drafty in the North, quite possibly dishing out a disastrously untimely death by frost bite. And it certainly begs the obvious question...."is it really even a 'costume' at all, if in fact, you technically aren't wearing one?" Then there are the issues of legality, like how are the costume contest judges supposed to handle this rather convoluted question of blatant transparency. Does the No-Costume Costume count as a costume or not? And could you be arrested for 'indecent exposure'!

To push the subject further....consider the practical tactical conundrum of where you're going to put your cell phone and car keys while you party the night away in nothing but your body paint and a smile? And forget the practicality and legality of the Non-Costume Costume for a moment....what about the sanitary factor? I mean is it really hygienic, (not to mention comfortable), to be sitting your bare bum in public areas such as park benches, bar stools, or God forbid on some pumpkins or hay bales? Ewwww....yuck! On second thought, lets just stop there. By my calculations, there really can't be much good to come from this nefarious nudity on Halloween. Personally, I think I'd rather take my chances with a costume hunt at the Halloween store. But if nixing your knickers and slathering yourself in body paint for public consumption sounds like big fun to you, then by all means fly your freak flag high and let it all hang out this Halloween! Have any of you tried this, or would you, if given the chance? And if you would do it...what would you choose to go as?